Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hairy Dating

I remember in high school when talking to someone about dating that I first came upon this phrase told to me, "You know if you'd just change this about yourself more people would want to date you." This is for the most part a flawed concept. I say for the most part because there are aspects that are totally true such as cleanliness and such like that, but when it comes to most other aspects of someone's personality there might be gradual change but I can't accept this as a rule to dating. I am a single guy who does want to find someone at some point and would rather it be sooner then later but I've always had this idea that if I were to change myself especially an aspect of my personality of which I really like just so that girls will find me more universally attractive and then I do end up dating a girl, is she dating me because she likes me or is she dating me due to an artificial change? One of the big ones especially in my college days was due to my hair. Now most of you if not all of you know me and know my hair but if you don't here is my favorite picture of my hair, it is a little blurry but I think it adds to the value of the picture.

I love that picture. Growing up in good ol' Provo Utah I was always told that if I just cut my hair then girls would want to date me. A couple of times I did have to cut my hair for various reasons, here is an example.

I've cut my hair to a buzz about 4 times in total after having a full head of hair. These cuts did not bring about dating opportunities and in fact I've dated girls while I've had hair. But this is one of those cultural issues of Utah, where for the most part the majority would rather date the guy in the second picture versus the guy in the first picture. I did have one girl in particular tell me that if we ever dated she would not let me have long hair to which I replied, "then we will never date."

Here's my philosophy, I want someone to love me for who I am and who I love being. Unfortunately what plays against me is the notion of prince charming. What I mean by this is many girls have aspects of their perfect guy, things they've been dreaming about since they were young girls. I know many guys who are the same way, and in a way I guess I am the same just in that I am looking for uniqueness and self confidence in your own uniqueness. But what I'm trying to say is that I am quite unique and when I initially talk with someone I see a lot of potential in that I look for a wide range of variety. But what works against me is since I have this wide range of variety there are things about me which could be someone's "no-nos" which they'll quickly dismiss me for regardless of our actual potential.

It may be a part of my ego that I feel this way, that I feel myself to be a bit more unique then a lot of other offerings out there but i also have to realize I'm playing with those offerings and am often viewed as one of those offerings. Someone will initially look at me and not think unique. Which is often why I feel the need to converse with someone before they can make up their mind.

Now I'm starting to ramble. But basically what it comes down to is I am someone who wants someone's true self and wants to be my true self within a relationship. And that is something of which I'm not willing to budge on so I would rather be single then have someone love me for a fractured self. So this is one of those general whiney oh I want to be in a relationship posts but it does still have a twist that I am happy that I'm not with someone I hate or someone who hates me. Plus my hair looks awesome.


Rachel Helps said...

so, related story: it seems like people were always telling me to straighten my hair when I was single! And I was like: "that's not part of my personality, I like my hair the way it is." But after I got married, I found out my husband really likes my hair straight. So sometimes I straighten it for him. Um. That's all.

krebscout said...

Ha. Ditto to Rachel on Andy liking my hair really short, and now it is. I didn't view that as a personality compromise at all, but then my hair was never as distinctive a part of my personality as yours is. But now that it's short, it kind of is. Anyway, I'm not at all encouraging you to cut your hair, because seeing your hair for the first time when you came to a Happy Pirates show in like 2005 is what made me want to be your friend in the first place.