Friday, August 20, 2010

Surgery Today

Short answer: I might have melanoma, they're going to take out the moles today and then test them to see if any further work needs to be done. Prayers or good vibes appreciated.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Dating Chameleon and How I Have Changed

I once got into an argument with someone when I made the statement that I could never date someone who didn't like the movie "Wizard People Dear Reader". When it comes to this fact, I am deathly serious. I will not date someone who doesn't enjoy "Wizard People Dear Reader", I have seen the movie nearly 50 times and can quote most of the movie word for word. It is a big part of my humor and my humor is very important to me. Utah is an interesting place when it comes to dating and it's only been in the past couple years when I've gotten to know how to date in a healthy manner have I figured out why for the most part I can not engage in dating in Utah.

About a week ago I dumped a girl. We had gone on a date or two, she was cute, we had a lot of things in common but something was off and I couldn't get past it. That something was something I've started calling "The Chameleon Factor." Utah has a very interesting hold over the world of dating, there is an overall feeling that if you are older then 25 and still single then there is something wrong with you, that you have no chance to find someone you want and you should just settle. Because of this, many people get married between 19 and 24. This is not necessarily a commentary on the age of people getting married, just a statement indicating that the majority of people around here subscribe to this information. Because of this, many people are desperate to find someone to date. This girl I had gone a couple of dates with was that same way, incredibly desperate to find someone to date. It quickly became apparent that it didn't really matter who I was, just that I was a guy showing some amount of interest. It didn't matter whether or not I liked movies, what my political or religious affiliations were, none of that mattered, all that mattered was I was a guy showing interest in her. I even decided to see if I could test that, I looked on her facebook page, found a band she liked and then the next time I saw her, brought up music and said how I disliked the band, she quickly agreed that they were no good. She didn't care about standing up for things she liked because a guy was showing interest in dating her. She changed herself in order to continue to have a chance at dating me.

This "Chameleon Factor" is not just relevant in Utah but tends to be relevant among any grouping where the males or females are a large majority to the other. I have a friend named K. who lives in Salt Lake City and she is a geek girl. She plays video games, she reads comic books, she watches tv shows, she dresses up and does Live Action Role Playing. Oh yeah, and she's really quite attractive. Anytime she posts something on facebook her comments section goes upwards of 50 comments, and she constantly complains of guys who have no social sense becoming incredibly awkward and just wanting to date her. The geek girl is a sought after person among Geek Men, who for the most part have little ability socially. To them it doesn't really matter the name of the geek girl, just simply that she is a geek girl and that is all they need. They come in droves trying to get the girl to date them but usually without ever stating their intention to date just sort of looming around waiting for the girl to make the move. They don't care what the girl thinks, the geek men hound the girl until they become paranoid and it makes it hard for them to actually date a guy because everyone has basically come before just wanting to date the idea of the girl, not the actual girl themselves.

This seems to come from desperate people who just want to date. You can usually spot them when the type of guy or girl they bring over is always random, only very small connections. They don't really state what they want in a person they date because they don't want to leave anyone out. They miss the entire point of dating, because they really just want someone to love them, but they don't realize that by having no qualifications, does not make the other person feel loved at all. In Utah this tends to be a very large majority of single people, they don't really care who they date, they just believe that they'll find someone who is semi interested and together they'll somehow work out. What this does is it screws over the rest of us, because if we are single we need to somehow let it be known that we are not of the same species as them, we need to let someone know early on how we actually have the ability to discern between people and say no to people who aren't good for us. And often if we don't get it out early enough we become an "assumed Chameleon" and are treated in much the same regard as an actual dating chameleon is.

In the past year and a half since I have been back in Utah I have counted about 9 to 10 girls that I've had some sort of interest in. About 6 of them I've been on dates with. 4 of them I stopped the dating process because I knew we wouldn't work out, 2 of them stopped the process, 1 of those two she just stopped it before I could, the other I was caught by surprise only to find out a couple days later she found someone else and I was the "dug out" boy (Basically the guy she would go out with if her first choice didn't work out). All 10 of the girls I have had similar interests in and some amount of communication. Because I won't go on dates with girls that I don't have similar interests in. I won't become a chameleon for dating.

The funny thing is, a couple of years ago this would not have been the case, I was a Chameleon, I didn't care, I just wanted to date someone and if any type of girl came along and said she wanted to date me I probably would have. This desperation was easily seen by girls and so I never found anyone to date. People told me how to fix this, they said to improve myself, I didn't really believe them until now when I've actually done so. Over the past 2 and a half years I have greatly improved my life as a single person, so much so that I really like my life without a girlfriend. So much so that I've gotten to the point where I would rather be single then be in a bad relationship. My life right now is a good mix of getting stuff done with doing well in school and doing well with friends. The girl I dumped the other day, I did for a moment consider having a relationship, but I knew if I did I would have to sacrifice much of what makes my life so awesome right now. Because of this I am looking for someone who molds well with my friends, because I can't date someone who doesn't. I came to a good realization as I was working out the other day, I treat someone who I want to date in the same way that I treat someone I want to become a friend with. My number one motivation is the level of communication. I have friends and girlfriends based on communication, what I need and what I want is someone in whom I can communicate with better then anyone else. But this is not just solely limited to a significant other, I treat people I want to be friends with the same way, I become friends with them because we have good levels of communication. People in whom I have a tough time communicating with are people who I tend to lose interest in as a friend or lover, this is why for the most part I hate texting, because I can't get good conversations with texting. Most chameleons have a hard time with good conversations because they're not willing to take a stance on something, thus they end up screwing themselves over.

I think one of the biggest reasons why I'm still single is because I haven't found someone who I communicate with on that kind of level. I have some best friends who I can communicate with really well. My girlfriend in Boston, our communication skills with each other were incredibly good and we ended with a good breakup because we discussed why we didn't work out and both agreed upon it. I'm now going into Psychology because I like figuring out things and communicating those things to others. I have had an easier time dating out of state because there is less desperation laid on like syrup then there is here. I would imagine some small towns would have the same thing which is probably one of the reasons I like bigger towns more. This whole posting is not to say I don't want a girlfriend, because I would love to find someone who loved me and I loved her, but I'm willing to be patient, and I'm willing to wait if needs be. But I'm also willing to take risks now, because I want to find that person because our lives would be awesome together. I don't just want a girlfriend, I want people in my life who I can communicate with and have fun with, and from them, I want to find someone that I can communicate with and have fun with better then anyone else. Then I'll have found her.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Revisiting

So I randomly was looking up old people on facebook today and found someone who I hadn't thought of in years. I looked her up and her blog was posted and I remember reading her blog and thought, I should check on my google reader, I was quite surprised that there are still many of the old people who used to blog who are still blogging, probably now with new people reading and commenting to keep them happy. Obviously I haven't done it in quite a long time and probably won't again, but I thought I'd write a little something just because I remembered this time of my life for a moment today.