Thursday, March 26, 2009

Dead Names

Eric is sitting on his couch playing video games when Doug bursts in with a teenage girl.

Doug: Dude you won't believe it.
Eric: That you scored a teenager?
Doug: No dude, not just any teenager.
Eric: Wait I was joking when I said score.
Doug: Well I didn't really score her, but I found her and you gotta check this out.
Eric: What?
Doug: Guess what her name is?
Eric: Sarah?
Doug: No dude, oh man I can't even tell you how cool this is, it's Eleanor!
Eric: Okay...
Doug: Dude, how many Eleanors do you know?
Eric: I think I had a great grandma Eleanor.
Doug: Exactly. It's an old person name. Only old people have the name, it's a dead name like the dead sea scrolls or dead languages. Dead, dude, Dead!
Eleanor: Can I go now?
Doug: No hold on, See Eric? Do you see what this means?
Eric: Not really.
Doug: It means dead names are coming back!
Eric: Okay...
Doug: So, do you realize what this means? I can go get myself a name change.
Eric: And what do you want to call yourself?
Doug: Mortimer.
Eric: Mortimer?
Doug: I'm gonna do it.
Eric: Alright, but you're gonna look foolish.
Doug: What? Why?
Eric: Well you see this girl, Eleanor, how old are you Eleanor.
Eleanor: 16. Can I go now?
Eric: Yeah get outta here.

Eleanor leaves.

Eric: She's 16, you're 25.
Doug: So?
Eric: So dead names are back as of 16 year olds. You come in a 25 year old Mortimer and you're going to be laughed at and ridiculed.
Doug: Oh no.
Eric: So if you really want Mortimer, you have to find someone your age with a dead name.
Doug: I understand. I'm off!

Doug starts to leave.

Eric: You know...
Doug: What?
Eric: I haven't seen you in like a year.
Doug: I know, but once I find a 25 year old we can hang out again.
Eric: Alright...

Doug Leaves.

Eric: Mortmer...

______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Eleanor'.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Like a butterfly

One guy is sunbathing and is burnt to a crisp, a second guy comes into the scene.

Second: Uh dude, shouldn't you stop?
Burned: No way man, I'm totally going to stop doing hard drugs.
S: Isn't this more like you are doing hard drugs?
B: Well I did come up with it while on drugs, but I've been wanting to quit.
S: By soaking up some rays?
B: Yeah, cause I was talking to Steve and he was telling me how you know there's metamorphosis among insects and they change from a crappy insect into a cool one.
S: Yeah, so?
B: So, I'm metamorphasizing.
S: No dude, what you're doing is photosynthesis.
B: OH.... Dammit.

End

______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Metamorphosis'.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I Wish This Made Sense

Franklin D. Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln all sit against a wall with guns in their hands. Lincoln is badly injured.

FDR: Lincoln, you okay?
Lincoln: Yeah, I'll be fine. You sure we're safe here?
Jeff: I'm sure, no one has been here for years.
Lincoln: To think, that the world could get this bad. Wait a second, where's Washington?
Jeff: He's not here?
FDR: Dammit he was right behind me.
Jeff: I'm going to go back out there and get him.
FDR: NO! It's a suicide mission.
Jeff: I can't just leave him, he's the most valuable of us all!
FDR: No Jefferson, if this economy is to survive, we have to survive. You want us to be taken over by the indians? Is that it? Willing to sacrifice yourself?
Jeff: I already let that happen once, and I'm not going to let it happen again!
Lincoln: Don't worry, we'll do okAY.
Jefferson and FDR both look at Lincoln. FDR pulls at Lincoln's beard and it comes right off.
FDR: Oh man, we've got a canadian, when did that switch happen.
Lincoln: What's this all aboot?
FDR: Hey, shut up and make some sense.
Lincoln: But I can only make one...
FDR raises his gun and shoots him in the head.
Jeff: Thank you, I hate those things.
FDR: Don't mention it, but look, we've got to do something or we're both screwed.
Jeff: Don't worry, we're almost to Denver. We can make it, I know we can. We just have to make sure no one else can get a hold of us, or we're done for.
FDR: Okay, let's get going.
Jeff: No wait stop!
FDR stops instantly.
Jeff: Heh, I've always wanted to say that to you.
FDR: Oh I oughta!

FDR and Jefferson exit the cabin.

______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Poverty'.

Monday, March 09, 2009

The Weird State of Television

Many who know me know of my love of Television. The television show is probably my favorite medium in all of media and so I've become someone who watches just about everything. I will try just about every show and see how it is and if it's of interest to me I'll keep going. I've been doing this for about two years now and one thing which I never really noticed up until this point is how many shows don't last. From what I can tell, this is because of two sets of people. The big Television Networks, and the semi-fans.

The Television Networks. We all know the big television networks. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX. These ones are the powerhouses. Pilots come to these guys and they go through extensive processes until they are eventually shown. Most shows seem to go through these channels, and a lot of them get cancelled. One of the big things is ratings, and currently the internet doesn't count towards ratings, only the good old fashioned watching them when they air. Not even DVR viewings count right now. When DVR and Internet viewings begin to count, I'm predicting in probably a year or so, then shows will start to thrive again. Online communities will actually be able to do something for shows. At least that's what I hope. But some people are being smart, and they're going elsewhere. One of the biggest shows on television now is Battlestar Gallactica which made the smart move in going to the Sci Fi network. A network which would never cancel your show. Sure the big four have bigger budgets but they also have greater risk. USA has Monk, Pysch and now Burn Notice. CW (formerly the WB) lasted well because of Buffy and Angel. Don't worry, I'll talk about our pal Wheadon a little later. Now it does well on shows like Gossip Girl and Reaper. There are even smart people like Adam De La Pena, a man who tried with the bigger of the comedy channels Adult Swim and Comedy Central with short lived shows Minoriteam and I'm With Busey. Both did okay but not well enough on the big channels so he went to the then all video game channel G4 and did the show Code Monkeys which has done really well on that channel. Good solid shows are starting to show up on these lower channels because they know it's too high a risk on the networks. But alas, I must say it's not just the networks fault.

The Semi-Fans. We have an epidemic in television right now. The Semi-fans or the Bandwagon fans. They're unwittingly changing the rules for television and making it a lot harder to get a show to work. There are two shows which have already started to fall into this line and I can only see it growing. Arrested Development and Firefly. Most of you reading this love both of these shows, and hey, I do too. We all do, and we all think, "oh why did these shows get cancelled." Well they got cancelled because no one watched them. Sure with something like Firefly you can say the network screwed it, and yes, it did, but in the same token, how many of you would have even known about the show or even given it a chance if it had run in order? How many fans of the show found out about the show after it was off the air? Now Arrested Development, same question, how many fans of the show began fighting for it when it was doing it's last run of episodes, or even after it aired started yelling for change. The thing is, the average tv viewer doesn't come easy, they fight. They fight everyone hard to not allow themselves to be sucked into a show. The US Office didn't even really gain it's following until the second season or mostly it's third. TV fans don't want TV shows, it's as simple as that. Only after someone they trust sits them down and force feeds it to them do they start to like it. I can think of five people, some in whom might even read this blog who I specifically told after the first season of Arrested Development to watch that show. All of whom blew me off and all of whom are two years after that fact bigger fans of the show then I am. One of those people even said they had watched an episode and thought it was stupid.

So what happens with these fans? Let's take Joss Wheadon for a moment. Mr. Wheadon is the man who brought us such shows as Buffy, Angel, Firefly and currently Dollhouse. You'd have to be living under a rock to not know who this guy is. Currently this guy has a very big fan base of semi-fans. Mostly people who don't want to admit they like tv and will only watch his shows. Here's where the problem lies. Firefly was a beautiful show, and it went the rounds once on dvd, friends showed friends who became huge fans. People cried because of the characters. The show became their first tv hit. Then they stopped watching tv again, Dr. Horrible came out and they went Ga-Ga over it, and rightly so, it was a good thing which came out at a fantastic time. But then came Dollhouse. Did anyone watch My Own Worst Enemy? Haven't heard of it? It came out about 6 months ago and had a very similar plot and did it really well, but no one really heard of it and it died, because no one gave it a chance. Now Dollhouse comes out with a very similar plot but comes with bad reviews and fans are grabbing hold and not letting go. Because they love Wheadon. But yet they aren't willing to touch any other show even if it's better, because it's not Wheadon. Now here's where the problem comes in, if you followed that. Show dies, becomes huge and then show's creator becomes big and then gets free show. Pushing Daisies looks like it will do the same thing, it started to gain traction before it died but in DVD sales it'll be huge. The creators will likely make something else in a year or two and it'll become big. So do we need to have shows which are good die? These fans seem to think so. Only after it dies can it become good.

So what can be done? Semi-fans will always be semi-fans. They dislike television as a whole. The thought of being a television watcher is not what they want. They want to be contributing members of society and they don't want to get into television. That's fine, they should at least have a friend who knows their tastes and can tell them what to watch. A TV reviewer is a good thing, read someone's TV review each week, a quick read and see if there's anything new that sounds like something you'd like. Don't be afraid to try an episode if it sounds intriguing. And don't wait until someone has to force feed it down your throat. If they're doing that, the show is already dead. For instance here's one, if you're still reading this, go watch Reaper. Do it now. You will like it, and it will stay fresh and can easily stay long term. Go check it out, the first season is on dvd, it's super good. There, now don't fight it, because I'm sure after it's dead some other friend will force you to watch it and you'll love it and you'll forget I told you to watch it because semi-fans, that's what they do. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong by watching a good show.

That there is my tv rant. Shows will come and go, some will be good, some won't. But that's what tv reviewers are there for, to tell you whether or not you'll like it.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Wealth, Death and Prosperity

A detective sits in his office, there is a board with a couple faces on it, a second detective comes in and puts another face on the board.

1: Don't tell me.
2: Yeah, another death.
1: You've got to be kidding me, don't these people know anything about Physics?
2: They just fall into his trap.
1: Yes.

The scene gets a close up on his face as the rest of the scene goes dark, there is an image of a shadow behind the man as he begins to describe.

1: He promises them power, and mostly he promises them wealth. Prosperity in this soulless economy, and yet all he really wants is for them to die. He truly is a mass murder.

It goes back to the regular scene.

2: It's the perfect plan, because technically it's all suicide.
1: Yes, everyone of them have broken necks and broken arms, and they're doing it themselves. They kill themselves. But if I ever even catch that man speeding, I'm booking him for good.
2: But what would you do? I've thought about it, I've thought about what I would do if I were them, and you know what? I'd get curious, and I'd probably jump too!
1: Just don't watch the DVDs!
2: Who can resist the alluring magic that is Duck Tales?
1: That man, he gives them a vault full of gold coins. He truly is a mastermind.
2: He really is diabolical.
1: Some day, I will catch him, I give you my word!

Fade to black
End

______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Prosperity'.