Saturday, October 28, 2006

Post #199

I've been so behind on my blog reading it's been crazy. I went onto my google reader today and found I have somewhere around 150 blogs that I haven't read. I think I've over exerted myself on the bloggings, so if you haven't seen me give you a comment in a while it's cause I'm lame and haven't gotten around to it. I've skimmed over most, but haven't gotten into it as much. So with my 200th post looming I'm trying to figure out what to do for a celebration. I've also been lacking on actually blogging, as I have been also on my music one just because I've been up to a whole lot of different things as of late. But I have gotten back up to date with the music site. I actually tired to make a post on here about a week ago but it didn't work for some reason.

So with the death of internet poker I find myself considerably lacking. I have one week left before the site that I go to says no more to US players, since the bill was signed I still have been able to make 30 bucks which brings me up to 100 total. But after monday it will have to be poker nights which I just can't seem to get enough people to say yes for. But then, I would take it more seriously then everyone else because I enjoy the game so much. So with poker out my computer time will cut down considerebly, I often do my homework and/or music reviews while playing poker but with poker gone I'll finish my homework and have more time to do other things. Maybe I will work out more, I haven't really made it known but I've been working out at 24 hour fitness, I get anywhere between 8-16 hours in a week. I'm losing about 2 pounds a week which is good enough for me, slow and steady will be better for my body then anything else. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.

So in less coherent thoughts of which no one will really understand but I'm going to say anyways.

1. It turns out that the shooting stars really were just a coincidence.

2. That fountain is doing an awful job.

So here's a question which was actually posed a couple of months ago, you know how you flip a coin into a fountain and you can make a wish, can you give that wish a time limit? Or is that against the rules? I gave it a time limit because I felt my wish would have been really lame had I not. But then in telling the others that were with me when doing so they said I wasn't allowed to do that, that wishes can't be given time limits. Discuss. Go.

I'm really proud of the fact that the last post got 40 comments, I never thought that to be possible. Good work everyone.

So this past weekened I went with a friend to the Utah Grizzlies Hockey game. My radio teacher actually hooked me up with 8 dollar tickets that he was able to get through a one time only employee what not. So, there were about 5 others from my radio class also there, each with a friend and my radio teacher as well. During the game we kept making funny comments and overall just had an enjoyable time. Well at the end of the game when my Radio Teacher (The Wiz) got up to leave a guy from behind him stopped him and said that him and his group was really funny and that his own group really enjoyed us. He asked who we were and The Wiz said we were from the radio group at UVSC, so the man then said, "You know, I'd really like you guys to come to more games, he then revealed he was the company's Vice President and extended an offer to the Wiz that if we wanted, any wednesday game we could get really good 8 dollar tickets. So nwo I want to go more often, so if someone out there really wants to see Hockey and wants to go on a wednesday night, let me know and you can come with me and we'll watch Hockey.

Monday, October 09, 2006


I had an interesting night on Saturday Night. I went to my friend Thelma's apartment where they were having an apple party, it was a lot of fun, but afterwards the plan was to go driving up Sundance Canyon and get to a plateau where we would have a bonfire, and hit some drums and have a Pagan festival with the full moon. We got up there about half past midnight, set up the bonfire, got out the drums and started rocking, people were dancing and it was awesome. The plan was also to go find a spot in nature and relax and commune with nature. I had sometime to think as I lay in the grass next to a solitary tree, way up high where the air was very clean and pure.

I thought about my life right now, and how I've got direction. It's amazing to have direction, I actually know what I want to do with my life, I have a list of things I want to do and I'm well on my way to fulfilling those dreams. But not only do I know what to do, I know exactly how to go about accomplishing them, I have the path laid out before me. Not only that but I'm able to do each thing and enjoy doing it. I have fun just about every day and enjoy just about everything I do.

But yet with all of this, there was a black spot right in the middle. Have you ever looked and saw your whole life but also saw the middle being blocked off by a dark spot? Well that's what it was. It was that of companionship, and I couldn't see it. It's like I have every piece together in this puzzle and yet three pieces are missing and I can't quite make out what the puzzle picture is because those three peices have the vital parts. I know I've said this type of thing before but it's still nagging at me, just the fact that everything seems to fall into place and yet the one thing I want the most isn't even close to coming together. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to immidiatly get married to anyone, I just want to be able to have some relationships, but even those are so far from reach that it seems I'll never get to them. I feel like I'm just stuck behind a roadblock, for a variety of reasons.

I don't give good first impressions. You know how much I truely hate the first impression? Some have suggested that I just cut my hair, but if you think about it, I haven't had this hair all that long, most of the time I have had short hair, and it wasn't any different, in fact it was even harder to find dates when I didn't have hair, I'm much more goofy looking without hair. Besides, the people that don't like my hair now I wouldn't be attracted to anyways most of the time.

I feel like I've come to the point where I sabotage myself. I've gotten to the point where I just don't ever succeed. So because of this, I find someone whom I know would work well with me, and I know that I would work well for them, so I don't want to have to wait a couple of days in between interactions, I want to go a little more quickly, but it just doesn't work that way, but yet if I do go slowly, I lose interest and feel like it's over even before it's started so I just give up. Thus sabotaging myself.

I'm not a leader. I never have been, and I've come to accept that, I don't want to be a leader, I do much better in helping others then in being the one to start or initiate things. Thus for me to have to be the leader in the dating world just doesn't feel right, it feels abnormal, but it's such a stigma that the guy has to be the instigator. Even I've found among girls that say they don't believe in that and yet I watch their relationships and they wait for the guy to initiate things. I found one girl that was willing to be the intiate and we worked well for the short time we had, but timing was off for us and she got married while I was off on a mission.

I'm not the ideal. There are too many things about me that just aren't the ideal. Besides the fact that I know exactly what I want to do, I want to be an artist, I'm a democrat, I'm a Mormon and I live in Utah. I don't like the excuse of living in Utah, but those that know me, you can tell, I don't belong in Utah, I'm just stuck here. I'm sure even this problem could be fixed if I were to move out of state.

I don't know, it's really frustrating that though all these things are working out, the one thing I've wanted forever doesn't seem to ever be able to happen. I wish I could be happy with my life without a relationship, unfortunatly I know myself too well, and I just won't be happy without someone else to share things with and for them to share things with me. I can have the most fun in the world I can think of and it just doesn't seem to compare to having someone I know that loves me. And that I love them. Whatever am I going to do?

So there I was, and I came home and have enjoyed my time since, but yet I would even trade all the good for just the relationship stuff. One of my biggest things that I've been taught over and over and over and over again, is patience. I've been patient for so long with so many things, but I think I'm too my breaking point, I feel like I can't go longer, I can't wait another year, I just don't want to. But alas, if that's how It has to be then I guess I'll just have to deal with it, just know if you find exploded bits of me, then that's the reason why.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

what is one of the most annoying things you can think of?

well here's mine, i accidently dropped some water on my keyboard, and it shorted out two of the keys so they don't work any more, the left shift key, the one i use to shift, and the tab key. augh, this is wicked annoying.

Well luckily i have another keyboard which I'm not using however it doesn't have all the same buttons. Anyone know how much it would cost to get those two keys repaired?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Two New

I've decided since I like to be organized sort of, I've made two more blogs for very specific purposes.

First for any poker related stuff, all of that will go here.

So if you don't care about the poker stuff, then you don't have to see it any more. I did win 22 bucks today, so it'll be updated regularly.

The other blog is for my novel and any other writings I decide to post, it's my writings blog.

So just enter those into your feeds if you want and there ya have it. Bigger post to come sometime tomorrow.