Monday, September 26, 2005

Mornings

Tolkien Boy said...
If I sleep in past eight I feel that the day has been wasted.

4:45 PM  

I thought I'd send a general reply to this comment. More so of a questionare type post. Oh yes, and thank you very much for the comment TB, it has brought up my current thought process which I am excited about. I have never really understood mornings. Think about mornings and what you do with them. Take into account Tolkien Boy's statement. I can honestly say, I am dumbfounded personally by his statement. I can sort of understand it, but also, I really can't understand it because I don't know how it feels like to feel like I've wasted away a morning. Mornings have never been good to me, I'm always grumpy and I always feel sick. On my mission it was horrible because I would get up and study, but it would all just fizzle through. The times I've always been able to get the most work done has been while I'm most aware and that's after being awake for a couple hours. So I guess you can see my connundrum here, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a morning. Maybe one here or there when something special happened but I really can not see the positives to mornings. Here are the only things I can think of which could be positives. 1. Better selection of classes. 2. Knowing that your day is half over when you're done. 3. Having lunch with someone.

Really I can't come up with any more. But I think the major difference for me and TB's statement, is I truely believe the beginning of the day to be when I wake up at 1:30. In his mind, and I'm only hypothesizing here, he could be saying, days are composed of a set number of hours from 8 am until about midnight and those are the hours in which things must be done. But what I have done is set it at 1 pm til 5 am. All the things I need to do in a day can be done and I can do them happily by setting my hours to this schedule. I like to wake up and not see people for a little bit. I also like to after socializing have a bunch of time to journalize, or organize or watch night time tv which is ultimatly better then morning or daytime. It works so well. And for some reason, now that I've switched to this schedule I feel like my day has more to it then it did before.

So I'd like to get people's thoughts on this, what is your take on it, and if you could do it like I'm doing it and still function, would you? Or maybe even a more hypothetical situation, for those who do wake up every morning without fail, suppose things were to be easier and make much more sense if you trained your body to get onto my schedule, would you do it? Just curious here.

Now if only I were at the other 75% of schools in the country that have libraries open all night. Then I'd be all set.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I really like my schedule and here's why

My current schedule makes me happy. It fulfills everything I want to do. My current schedule starts the day at 1:30 pm. I wake up at 1:30 and get ready really quick. I then head off to my house to wait for my brother to get off the bus. He gets off the bus about 2:30 and then I do stuff at my house until my mom gets home around 4:30. Then I head back to my apartment. I take a shower and then I'm ready for whatever night time activity awaits. Whether it's a party or poetry club or whatever else I decide to do. I get home usually around midnight or so and then do one of numerous things, I either watch a movie, do homework, or work on film stuff as I will soon be operating in my dad's office with the film stuff. Then I go to bed at about 5 am.

Why do I like this schedule so much? Firstly I don't like the mornings, when I'm not taking classes I don't know what to do in the mornings. I have a hard time thinking in the mornings. And I'm always grumpy in the mornings, it's just not a fun time for all. I like not having to look good in the morning, I'll shower and do my hair after I get back from waking up. I like it because after I'm done hanging out with people I've got a couple more hours to work on important things, or I'm also able to stay awake if someone needs to talk into the wee hours of the night. I also like it because it fulfills my need to stay up late but it also solves my porblem with sleeping too much. Now by going to bed at 5, I have to get by 1:30 to pick up my brother, so I get 8 hours every night, and I don't go over. You know how amazing it is to be able to do that? Most of you are saying, don't go over? and I say, remember, in any given week if I'm not careful I can sleep upwards to 17 hours in a night.

The biggest downside is the fact that my ward meets on sunday mornings at 8:30 am, so somehow I have to take that into account. The other downside is "the look", I get this so often, and it makes me wonder why people give it. When I say my schedule they give me this look of disgust. Like I should be up in the mornings. I'm wrecking the whole cosmic order by choosing to have alone time at night rather then in the morning. Other then that though, I'm really liking the schedule.

So after much thought and contimplation, things have changed a little bit. I am now going to go to UVSC winter semester and then do BYU spring and summer and then decide from there whether I'll stay at BYU past that or not. I screwed up royally my freshman year and got myself in this academic probation mess that has resulted in my not going to BYU for a little bit, however I just found out last night that I need to get my GPA to a 3.0 before reapplying which because of Independent Study, it will be about a 2.7, however it won't by October 1st when I need to reapply for BYU. Plus, 2.7 is a little less then 3.0, so UVSC looks like the best option. My parents have really been pushing for me to go to UVSC. Mainly for this reason, any class I take from UVSC is completely free. My dad is a teacher at BYU and because of this I get half tuition. My mom is a teacher at UVSC, and because of this I get full tuition payed for. I know I'm supposed to be at BYU because of their film program being so much better then UVSC's. And right now those are my only two options for schools since I can't go anywhere else. So I think how I'll do the whole thing is do associates at UVSC and then get into my major here at BYU.

Now, because I'm on Academic Probation, my name no longer shows up on route Y. What drives me nuts is how people will only go there for my info and no where else. A friend apparently didn't send me a wedding invitation because my stuff wasn't on route Y. What? We have millions of mutual friends at BYU, you could have asked any of them.

I'm on the intermural team here in my ward for Ultimate Frisbee. It's such a psycho thing that's going on though. We have a lot of good players, and we're in the medium division. There's low, medium and high divisions. For all three of our games we've had we've lost 10-0. But what's odd is we've had at least 12 people at each of our games, meaning constant subs, they've always had less then 8, meaning no subs. But all three teams were really really good, and didn't have girls. They really should all be in the high division. And these are some of the guys I play with on saturday mornings, with whom I can keep up but they're awesome. And they're in the medium division? One of our guys today was getting really heated and pissed, since they were demoloshing us with psycho catches and unbelievable moves, and he started yelling at one of them and the dude replied with, "Don't worry dude, you'll totally trash us, just calm down." The score was 6-0 at that point and we hadn't even had a throw into the end zone. Trash us my butt. Luckily for the playoffs we can get in even with a losing record and they'll put us in the division we should be in, so we'll go down to low. Our biggest problem is we don't know how to work well as a team, I know how to work with a couple of people on the team and can quite well, but I can't do so hot with others, I don't know their limitations and specialties well enough. I need to be a coach for frisbee, I understand it too well.

Finally, I love this dvd of Moby I picked up a while back. It's called Moby - Play The DVD. It has all the music videos from that cd, but what's cooler is it has a megamix on it. All the songs redone and mixed together in one giant track, and it's like watching the windows media player thingy, only it's been created specifically for the dvd. It would be perfect to put on tv when you're having a techno party. Now, it's 5 minutes before 5 am, and I am off to bed.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Writing vs. Life

I've always noticed that I'm much more depressing in my writing then I am when you talk to me. Mainly because this is a place I can vent frustrations for which I can't find any other outlet to do so. For instance, today, was an incredibly happy day. I had a wonderful day and wasn't depressed at all, but the minute I hit the computer and sort out my thoughts it all sounds depressing. I just thought I'd give out a warning that I'm not in a bad mood, it's just often how I sort out feelings and thoughts.

Life of a Turtle on a Pizza

Some may call it a blessing, some may call it a curse. Me? I sure don't know. As I'm sure I've said before, I can interpret people's thoughts on me, who thinks I'm scary, who thinks I'm funny, and why they think I'm funny. Things like that. I've understood a lot more lately all about my overall feelings of being Intoverted. I've really gotten the concept and have seen how Introverted I am. At nature I'm a very shy person, but I hide that and try and make a whole lot of friends, and in this making of a whole lot of friends I use it to sift through to see if there's someone in there in whom I can share a little bit of my extroversion with. The problem is, there are a lot of hills they need to climb for me to be able to tell them things, it's almost like someone really has to work hard to tear down each of my walls. But then there are things they can't even do, I have to let them do it for it all to happen. I think in these cases is why I am so against bishop or priesthood interviews. I could easily have an interview with home ward bishop, Bishop Swenson. But then he was in my ward for 13 years. I trust him. My current bishop however, I have the hardest time even talking to the guy. I was like this on my mission too, when having to deal with someone in a leadership position who just expected me to tell them everything, I couldn't do it, even if it was good stuff. Just because of their need to know and my need not to tell them. My favorite zone leaders were the ones that left me alone.

When it comes to leadership, I initially shun it. If someone tells me to do something in whom I don't intially trust, I tend to break away. So when it comes to my bishop I tend to just leave him alone. I've been in this ward for 8 months now, and I can see that though my bishop cares for me as a bishop should, he doesn't really like me. I haven't yet had an interview with him. There have been only a couple times in which we've actually spoke and all he's done for himself has built more walls in front of my extroversion. The first time he said more then hello or how's your day, or any other non descript phrase, was the sunday after I got my hair cut to the 3/8ths of an inch buzz. He came up to me and said, "I'm glad to see you've finally decided to live the Honor Code." There is no comment more then this that can make me want to not live the Honor Code just out of spite alone. About a month later was the next time he said something to me, he said, "You're growing your hair out again." and I replied with, "Yes I am." Now that I have hair again, he usually avoids me in the shaking hands portion of sacrament meeting. Everyone else finds him to be a great bishop, one in whom has farmed his whole life and has a tractor. That's fine, I don't not like the guy, I just know that it'll take a lot for me to let him into my life. I almost wonder if this is the reason why I've gone this entire month without a calling. They've already given me the ones that don't require you to be in some sort of leadership position and I think they've run out of options. I'm sure they'll make one up for me at some point like assistant music director for the sunday school or some such like that, or shrubbery guy. Who knows? It's funny because intially the hair wasn't even intended to be a rebellion. I just thought it would look cool. And it sure does, and it has even helped boost my self esteem in the time I needed it most. But yet it is so widely regarded that I have it because I'm being rebellious, it can't be any other reason. I want to please others, but I know in turn I won't be pleased myself, last time I cut it, I felt like crap because I was doing it because others wanted me to, not because I wanted to.

I've mentioned ML before. She's my current "dating student." She comes to me with her problems, which is just fine. She said early on that she wouldn't come to me for her problems because so many other people do so, and she usually stays away from people like me, but that didn't work did it. I used to have hope in this type of girl, that someday she would fall in love with me and then we could go out and she'd realize she can tell me anything. But now I know that those ones can never happen. It's become weird due to my abilities (I almost sound like a mutant) that I can understand things a little more. In the past month of knowing her, I already know exactly what parts of her the general populace don't like, what i don't like, and what I do like. I understand her mannerisms and can usually predict when she'll come over and what she'll do. It's almost become a game for me, because now I'll try different methods of my own body launguage or my own comments to see how she'll react and to see if I'm right which most of the time I am. I can even predict how her current crush will like her and they won't and what will happen. It's made the life of an outsider looking in very easy for me, but it's also helped to make me more introverted and less likely to fall in love. I've almost given up hope on the one thing that in high school I would have given up a limb for.

I'm sure there's someone out there who could fulfill my need for at least 75% compatibility, and maybe someone who can fall in love with me. There just hasn't seemed to be anyone in the near future of whom I can even have a small relationship with, maybe I need to be more forceful, or show more love, or do something different, but right now, I'm at a loss. I know exactly what ML needs to do, and yet I can not define myself.

smeh

smeh

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Seven Samurai

I finally did it. I just finished all 3 and a half hours of this movie. It really was pretty stinkin' good.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

not much

Starting off with a story. I was at the infamous Cake Concert. Cake played 2 songs and were right into the third song when a lone shoe flew through the air and hit the lead singer square in the face. The song stopped abrubtly and he got up and said, "I hate you F*ing Mormons." and he walked off stage. Ouch. Luckily it was a concert with many bands so it wasn't too bad. But still pretty crazy.

I was glad to see a good turnout at the special screening of Wizard People. It seems most everyone liked it.

I was able to do some shooting this week. I got some good footage for a generic rap video.

Wow, I sure thought I had more to say. Ha, guess not.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Wizard People!

I finally have it, and now for a quotation or two.

"When Ron the Mighty stood in front of the gate of heaven, he began straight away to denounce it. He cries, 'Heaven is for those too scared of nothingness, I will go no further then my mortal flesh will carry, this mirror is the sick bed of heaven, Harry, the eternity of pansy lives.' Ronny will have nothing to do with the mirror. He is only concerned with the flesh and the blood of the now."

"And Harmony feels like she could cry out a second self of tears, so that she could have someone to hug."

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Beginning of the End

I have a video camera! Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Monday, September 12, 2005

I'd rather dance with you

It's been a week with no posts, it's probably because of my mood. Some days I'm really happy so I don't have time to post. Some days I'm really sad, so I don't feel up to posting. And now for a list of things I don't like right now, and things I do like right now.

Things I don't like right now

Evil
Depression
Holier then thou
Finding out about things that you were specifically "supposed" to not find out about
When I get frustrated and load it all out on one person
My current unmotivation

Things I really like right now

My shower, it's absolutly perfect
New songs that impress me in some way
Happiness
Parental Love
Finding tickers after the football game that have coupons on them
not just my good friends but good friends for good friends
people thinking of me when they're bored
My hair

That's just a short list.

I finally watched Hotel Rwanda today. That is a really powerful motivating movie. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It is PG-13. It is in my top 3 movies that have made me cry the most, along with Life is Beautiful and Grave of the Fireflies. I had no idea that this even went on in Rwanda, it really gives me motivation to try and do something. But the thing that got me the most is basically their biggest request when someone asks what they can do is, Tell their story.

I've been reading the book The Devoicing of Society. It's a really good read. I'll write thoughts on it when I have more thoughts on it.

A good friend of mine got into some trouble, he lives here in Provo and he got evicted for not paying for rent, he's now living with a sex partner and will probably move back home. It's always hard to see things like that happen and know that there's nothing you can do about it anymore.

In good news my good friend Sara is getting married! December 28th, I wonder if I can make it to their wedding..... Hmmmm.....

ML had her last night of being a teenager tonight, so she jumped into a pool with her sunday dress still on. She's a funny girl.

Can I just say I'm sick of being patient? I've had to be patient for so long, and yet it seems the answer to all my problems is, be patient. Why can't I have a different answer? It's always, be patient. The first year of my mission was "Be Patient." Now I just have to be patient. Bah. I don't want to be patient anymore, but what can I do? Nothing, I have to be patient.

I should have gone to bed 2 hours ago cause i have to get up in the morning, but I didn't want to. I've got to start learning to like sleep again. Right now I don't like sleep at all.

I think I seriously have a real fear of the dentist. I need to go desperatly but every time I think about it I go crazy. I'm so flippin' scared of the place. Why? Every time I've had anything to do with teeth this is what happens. No Pain->Go to dentist->Leave with lots of pain

Has Montana missionary just stopped sending emails or did she mention that she didn't want me on the list anymore. If it is the second I would hope you would tell me. Thanks.

I'm going to be doing some random acts of service this week. Cause I really want to. It makes me happy.

The other thing that makes me happy is helping with Amnisty International by cleaning the football stadium. I actually really enjoyed myself and would like to do it again.

Monday, September 05, 2005

The End of a Dynasty

Attention! Attention everyone! I regret to inform you that the Otter has left the building. Indeed, the Otter has left the building.

So for those waiting the next exciting installment of The Otter Saga, may well know now, that it was shorter then Cats On Ice. What I really mean is, for me, and I know that some of you might think this to be a little weird, but when I see someone I like making out with a roommate, I sort of lose attraction to them. I know some of you are saying, "Lose attraction from that? What ever do you mean?" But in answer I shall say, when you see an Otter snogging a Teddy Bear you suddenly remember why your mother never allowed you to have pets in the first place. So yes, Otter was officially seen making out with my roommate on saturday, after the football game which luckily I did not go to. So that saga has quickly, and I do mean quickly come to an end.

In other news I saw the movie "Broken Flowers" last night. It's a new movie starring Bill Murray and Sharon Stone. If you liked "Lost in Translation" you'll probably like this movie. It's really interesting and I'd love to discuss it with people, but be forewarned, it's really quite slow of a movie. But still pretty good, not a party movie though. Plus it's only being shown in SLC at the moment.

I saw a good friend of mine from high school named Jack for the first time in about a year the other day, it was quite interesting. Especially since aparently on Tuesday he's moving out to Thailand to teach English for a couple years. It was also weird because it was with a group from high school that I hadn't seen a bunch of them in a while. There was three girls that I sort of remember as the Trifecta of the group. One of them has a kid, one had gone on a mission and is now back, and the other seems to have lost somewhere around 50 pounds since last time I saw her. Crazy stuff.

It was interesting friday night because I had three parties to go to. But the weirdest part about it was the order. First was a group from high school, second was my freshman group and third was my newer hangout joint across the street. It was like I was traveling through time in that one day. Though I think my favorite is still the freshman group, it was still an interesting expedition. Then the next night a failed Blue Beta party with just three people. But that was four groups in two days. It felt really surreal.

I've been really surprised lately by realizing just how introverted I am. I didn't really understand it until lately, I let a lot of people into my first wall, about 40% of those into my second wall and about 2% into the third. Maybe it's not exactly like that, but it sure seems like it.

And lastly I was reminded of this mission story that I had totally forgotten about for the past year, and thus I must write it down somewhere. So in my third area I had a discussion in a freezer for three hours while throwing rotten rhubarb into the back of a truck. Rotten Rhubarb juices flying everywhere. Just needed to write that down. Happy no mail no school monday!

Friday, September 02, 2005

The Otter Project Part 4

So, I'm sure you're all dying to hear how the Otter saga is going, since it seems to be a daily story of my life now. Alrighty. So as I was coming home today I was called by "Mother in Law" (Check posts from about a month ago) and she wanted to come over and watch the Brak Show. So she came over, watched a couple episodes then left. Now as far as Otter went, since yesterday I had had a slump I did what I usually do under these circumstances, I tell myself I won't contact her, I won't call her or go over there, so the only way we'll have contact is if she intiates it. So I had just started watching Wrestling since it's thursday night when Otter calls. Yup, she's bored and wants to do something, so I tell her to come on over, I'm not doing anything exciting just playing game boy. I turn off wrestling (since it is just a me thing), and she comes on in. So I show her and roommie "Frenchie" some Michel Gondry music videos. Then Otter and I go to Borders where I buy the first two seasons of Coupling with a 30% off coupon. Then we came back and Mother in Law called me and wanted to come over to watch a movie. So she came back from whatever ward thingy happened that she was at, as was my roommie Teddy. So we decided upon another Stephen Chow movie "God of Cookery" which in the end was actually recieved better then Shaolin Soccer, they all liked it better.

Now flashback. Apparently this morning according to Otter, she got a call from my roommie Teddy to go and have lunch. So they did. Now I knew that Teddy had somewhat of a thing for Otter, but I didn't care. But during the movie he being a bit more forward then I could ever be, sat himself down on the couch next to her and lay his head on her shoulder for the rest of the movie. She didn't really do much but she also didn't object. Then when the movie was done he insisted he walk her home, so I let him. Oh well. So now it comes down to that, he's more forward and much better looking then I, but his personallity is very lacking. So once again it comes down to the age old fight between looks and personality. And from my vantage point, I think I'll just wait it out and see what happens. Knowing this roommate and the things he's told me about girls, he can be quite straight forward with his liking of girls and often gets his heart broken because they reject him.

So what's my plan? Nothing. I'm completely full tomorrow, and I think I might do something with her on saturday maybe, if she calls me. If not, then it looks like the teddy bear gets the cuddles.